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Questions And Answers About Biggest Catfish Ever

Posted on May 19, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

William asks…

Are there any harmful creatures in Nolan Lake?

I’m going to Nolan Lake with my family next week and lately I’ve heard that not only do they have creatures in the sea but they could have some in a lake. I went to Dale Hollow Lake several years ago and I remember they had models of fish they caught… and one of them looked like a huge piranha with big teeth. I am Ichthyophobic (fear of fish). I’m not really that scared of blue gills or other fish that size or smaller. But when it comes to catfish or bigger, I freak out! Yes, I have been in a lake before but the only time I ever get in the water is if I go tubing or water skiing but I never go in for a swim because I’m scared I might touch something with my feet. Write back, thanks :)

catfishexpert answers:

I get that feeling when im in the ocean….I went out in my uncles boat like 6 years ago and went for a swim somewhere in florida, it was in tampa

i couldnt stop thinking if i touch the bottom, something would bite me and then some kid brought up a starfish and that made me even more scared so i went back on the boat lol

but now its like i got over it. Swimming in the lake, theres nothing that would touch you or anything, but i did look on the website and there is bass, crappie, and catfish

those wont do nothing, they may sound harmful but they will just swim away if u move alot

think about it, if u move alot when ur fishing, like rocking the boat, then the fish wont come, its the same thing as ur body, just move around alot and they will go away

but theres nothing out there that is harmful =)

Robert asks…

I have a cichlid tank… could someone help please?

ok heres the thing, my tank is 70 gallons, and on the left side i have a huge piece of drift wood that my cichlids (blue acara’s) and my columbian catfish like to swim around/hide under. this drift wood only takes up about half of the tank. the other side has a smaller piece of driftwood and some bridge thing that they can swim through. they rarely ever swim around the other side of the tank. is there anything i can do that will make both sides of the tank equally as appealing? im thinking about adding a few more fish and i dont believe half of the tank is big enough for so many fish..
i have been wanting to add a floating plant, but i never see anything in the stores nor can i find any information online about what is good or w/e. does anyone know a good one or know where i can buy one?

catfishexpert answers:

My suggestion would be to move the Drift wood to the center of the tank and decorate the two sides with plants.

Steven asks…

if Libs went to work on a rig in La you know what they would have been given today?

A 2ft wide catered plate of catfish fillets, succulent & spicy fried shrimp and a mound of the biggest frog legs i’ve personally ever seen.

my keyboard is greasy as hell, but i’m a happy camper right now!
these frog legs look like they were on roids man…they could have steaked them up and bbq’d them.

its so good i’m going to banish my homophobia for a sec to suck my fingers…dadgummit thats good!
C’est bon!

catfishexpert answers:

If libs went to work on a rig in La, I expect they would be beaten up by all the conservatives.

Donald asks…

I want bigger bass in my lake, what can I do?

I have a lot on a small lake. A group of 25 people own it, and I am an owner. Brim fishing is the best ever. It is nothing to catch pound and a half brim. The bass are small, you can catch quite a few but all are small. The crappie do not do good at all, I don’t think they reproduce, that is what I have been told. I think we have too many bass and not enough food for them. Looks like they would eat the brim? Do bass need more than brim to eat? Maybe that is way the crappie are not reproducing, the bass are
eating them? How would I take some bass out, and what could we put in that would reproduce for food for the bass to eat? Catfish have been put in about 4 years ago and they are getting big. I was thinking what role the catfish would play for bigger bass?

catfishexpert answers:

I agree with the other post. If your Bluegill are huge and the Bass are “scrawny” more than likely you have an over-abundance of Brim/Bluegill.

In a pond situation, Bass, Crappie & Bluegill tend to feed on the same forage. A small pond just can’t support enough good Bass/Crappie forage (like Shiners & Shad) to allow your bass to get any size quickly.

If there is 25 Bluegill for every 1 Bass guess who’s gonna starve?

Also, there may not be appropriate breeding areas in your pond.

Bass like sandy-bottom shallows in 2-4FT with some form of vegetation as a “cover” to form their “beds”. If your pond has very little vegetation and a silty/muddy bottom your Bass are probably struggling to reproduce.

Catfish and Sunfish (Sunfish-Bass, Crappie, Bluegill) don’t really compete for food. Catfish are bottom feeders and fish in the Sunfish family like surface and “live” prey. However, Catfish AND Brim would LOVE a nice snack of baby Bass or Crappie eggs & fry!

Also, Bass don’t grow as “fast” as Brim. And Crappie need fairly deep & clean water to grow to any size. Bass WILL eat bluegill, but only as a last resort. (Bluegill have a nasty spiny dorsal fin that makes them tough to swallow!)

Bass need a good source of forage, sandy-bottom, and structure to hide from predators and ambush food to survive.

In my opinion, you probably have too many Bluegill and they are competing (and winning) against your Crappie & Bass.

I suggest you make some more structure around your pond. Small tree’s layed down in the water every 30-40 feet will allow your Bass some type of “ambush” structure, (and give you something to cast at when fishing!).

I would also make some fish attractors and submerge them in 5-6 FT of water. (Easy fish attractor?- Make a 4 Ft x 4 Ft pyrimid out of PVC piping. Fill the PVC pipe with dry concrete to keep it stationary. Apply chicken wire to the sides of the pyrimid to allow algae and vegetation to grow.)

Want a quick way to fatten your bass?

Go to your local aquarium shop and buy 100 or so feeder minnows. Do this every week for 6 weeks. Your Bass will love it!

The problem?- You don’t want to get your Bass/Crappie relying on “un-natural” forage you won’t always be adding to their environment.

If you had the time & money, you could slowly add live crawdads to your pond and they would reproduce and create excellent forage for your Bass/Crappie.

And of course, get in touch with your local freshwater fish commission or DNR and ask there opinion.

Hope this info helps ya somehow? Good luck!

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Questions And Answers About Catfish Bait Tips

Posted on May 18, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

Paul asks…

if you know about FISHING please help?

i love fishing for catfish i mostly use a worm sometimes crawfish and i need to know what else can i use i have seen videos of 80 lb fish and i want one i just dont know how to get em if you got any tips please help tecnique,bait all that good stuff also i dont have a boat i fish off shore so if you got some tips for that i sure would appreciate it thanks guys

catfishexpert answers:

Assuming that there are big catfish in the waters you fish, there are a number of prepared catfish baits that work quite well. Usually, the stinkier the better, as catfish feed by smell.

For homemade bait, try chicken livers. I take about a pound of chicken livers, place them in a plastic container with a cover, and set them outside (not in direct sun) to “cure” for a day or two. You want the meat to spoil, but not dry out. Keep it moist. Once it smells reasonably “bad”, chop up some garlic cloves, mix them in with the livers, and refrigerate them at least 2-3 days before using them as bait. All this odoriferous concoction should be (usually) irresistible to catfish.

If you’re after really big fish, make sure that your rod, reel and fishing line are heavy enough to handle the strain. 20# test should be minimum, higher # test if your rod/reel can handle it.

For a catfish rig, tie a size 1/0 3-way swivel to the end of your line. To one of the swivel loops, tie about a 6″ piece of leader (of lighter # test than your fishing line) and tie your sinker to the end of this. Using lighter line for this dropper leader will cause it to break first if your sinker hangs up, thereby saving the rest of the rig and losing only the sinker.

To the remaining swivel loop, tie about a 30″ leader (use a piece of your fishing line). To the end of this leader, tie a fairly large treble hook (try a size 2/0). Bait your hook up with as many chicken livers as you can to make a ball somewhere in size between a golf ball and a tennis ball. You can even tie some to the shank of the hook with light monofilament line to make a chunkier ball of bait.

Cast this out from shore, into a likely looking pool of deeper water. You’ll be fishing on the bottom, where the catfish prowl for food. If you’re fishing a river, make sure your sinker is heavy enough to hold your bait in one place.

There are a number of variations on this catfish rig, but this basic setup will get you going.

That trophy cat is out there!! Good luck!!

Joseph asks…

please help i need fishing info?

i am going to go fishing in folsom lake or american river.
what r some tips for fishing at folsom lake like what fish are down there and what bait should i use.
what kind of bait should i use for bass catfish trout and salmon down there at folsom lake.here is my vid please watch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QisUN8kXBbo

I will Be fishing from the shore I will be bait fishing
and I was thinking about going this weekend

catfishexpert answers:

Folsom Lake at Browns Ravine is your best bet right now. The water level is down, so find something that is around 5-10 feet deep in an area. Cast your baits there. In your video, you show “a regular gold one” lure, that is a kastmaster and should be used often. I love those things. The spinnerbait is a good bet if you are casting near cover, but if you are just casting and retrieving, not so much in my opinion. Also, get you some night crawlers and stick those on your hooks. Get a worm blower as well so that you can inflate your night crawlers, makes them float and makes them look more tasty to the fish. American river in this area is something you may want to hold back on for now, there aren’t any fish in there now that you would be able to catch as a beginner. I am almost seasoned and still have trouble catching steelies on the American and that is what we have right now. If you want to fish for catfish, get some chicken liver or crawdads and plant yourself on the Sacramento River in West Sacramento. Anywhere along that stretch, you will catch cats (there is anise growing on the banks in west sac like absolutely everywhere so the cats hang out there). Good luck.

Ken asks…

catching smallmouth bass?

i fish a small creek in south dakota that is loaded with smallmouth bass, catfish, plus northerns. any tips on best way to catch these smallmouth bass? like what baits to use and time of day etc…? thanks

catfishexpert answers:

Jig ‘n Grub. Buy a couple packs of 1/8oz, 1/4oz, and 3/8oz unpained jig-heads and a couple packs of 2″ and 3″ Berkley PowerGrub’s in assorted colors. Try to stick with darker colors, though. Cast it out and let the creek’s current drift the lure downstream a bit, then start your painstakingly slow retrieve. Well, maybe not painstakingly slow but slow. Keep in contact with the bottom most of the time and keep your hooks sharp. Rocks really can dull hooks, so a good hook hone would be a nice tool to use.

The Jig ‘n Grub is arguably the best smallmouth bass lure but live-bait is another great option. A large, lively, fresh-caught nightcrawler pinned on a #2 baitholder hook with a split-shot about 12″ above is a good option as is a small to mid-sized live-crayfish.

A 3″ or 4″ Senko Texas-rigged weightless would also be a good choice.

Just keep an open-mind. These bass will probably take most lures but BE SURE to try a 2″ or 3″ grub rigged on a 1/8oz or 1/4oz jig-head. This is a Smallie-killer.

George asks…

Fishing Yeah?

Ok, so I’m a pretty good fisherman and catch a lot of big bass and crappie at a close small lake. I know for a fact that there are big catfish and carp out there but can’t seem to catch any. Any good tips i.e. baits, time of day etc. or ways to catch some really nice fish

catfishexpert answers:

Catfish are a bottom scavenger and rely mainly on smell. You’ll need to draw the catfish out with something like a handful of corn soaked in garlic butter :) Just toss it where you want to cast and wait about 10 mins.

Where to cast tho?…. Rocky areas, steep banks, Big logs, anywhere that they can hide and is shaded.

Time of day doesn’t really matter as they eat when they are hungry, unlike most other fish.

Hope this helps and send me a pic when you get that 50lbs cat ;)

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Xpress Aluminum Boats – Catfish Boat

Posted on May 18, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

FREE 10 Catfishing Mini-Course

www.learntocatchcatfish.com Xpress Aluminum Boats – Video tour of North Texas Catfish Guide Service center console aluminum catfish boat used on guided catfishing trips.

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Questions And Answers About What Is The Weight Of The Biggest Baby Born

Posted on May 17, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

David asks…

What was the weight of the biggest baby to be born?

catfishexpert answers:

I heard that the baby was 23 lbs…I wonder how the mother did!! Anyway, here’s a link for a more recent one. This guy was 17 lbs

Chris asks…

What is the biggest baby born?

My son was 10 lbs 8 oz, and he was the biggest of June. What was the birth weight of your baby?

catfishexpert answers:

My son was 10lbs 4oz 22in long and i am only 4ft 11in and 102lbs he is 2 1/2 months old and he weighs 15lbs 2oz 25in long

William asks…

Is the weight of the baby when born highly related with what week he/she is delivered in?

So on average, is a 41 week baby going to be bigger than a 38 week baby?

catfishexpert answers:

Not at all they can all be the same
a 41 week can be 7lb 8oz
and a 38 week or more can be the same
I had my 4th and she was 40 weeks and was 7lb 6oz
my 5th was 7lb 5oz
i had all of mine on time and they were all different weights
my boy who was my 3rd was 8lb 15oz
it all depends and there is no rule honest
x

Ken asks…

Is it true a mother’s baby weight predetermines her child’s baby weight?

one of the docs told me that is usually the case. who has heard about that before and who has actually seen it happen? it’s not that big a deal, except i was a bigger baby when i was born. what if i end up with a 9-pounder?

catfishexpert answers:

No, it’s anyones guess really. Some women end up with big babies if they had gestational diabetes.
I was 8lbs at birth (a week overdue) and my children were 7lbs 3oz, and 8lbs 50z, respectively.

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Questions And Answers About Catch Catfish

Posted on May 16, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

Ken asks…

how much fish can a catfifh catch if a catfish could catch fish????

catfishexpert answers:

I ONCE SAW A CATFISH AND HE WAS FISHING I ASKED HIM AND HE SAID 50 WAS THE MOST HE COULD IN ONE DAY SO ITS 50

Charles asks…

how do i catch lots of catfish?

should i use oisters chicken liver or worms

catfishexpert answers:

Hey man, fishing for the ol kitty kitty fish can be loads of fun. Here is how i fish for them. I start fishing close to the evening. You can use chicken livers or either stink bait. Stink baits can come in many many receipes. The one that i like is a combination of chicken blood and shrimp. You are better off using a number 2 or bigger trebble hook. Either pack the stink bait or thread the livers on the trebble hook. Most people like the bait to be completley on the bottom but i prefer the bait to actually be a couple of inches off the bottom. So run your hook up the line a little and put your weight a couple inches below your hook. This allows your bait to stay out of the mud letting the smell fill the water as well as letting the cats see the bait. Another thing that you can do if you wanna. Go fishing earlier in the day and see if ya can catch a few small brim or other sun fish. If it is a small fish just cut a small cut at the belly of the fish and brake one of the side fins. Get you a number 4-5-or 6 snelled hook and run the hook through the fishes back same thing with the weight little below the hook. With either you use chicken livers stink bait doughs or small fish you can use a bobber if you want but i like to let the line and therod tip tell me the story. Now if it is dark i do like to use a lighted bobber. It is just exciting wating that little ball of light take off through the water. Man i hope this helps you some. Good luck, good fishin,be safe and have a great time…remember to share the experience with others especially the ones that have never fished and with the ones that really wants to

Richard asks…

HOW MANY CATFISH CAN I CATCH AT LAKE HENSHAW CA.?

catfishexpert answers:

Ten channel cats. No limit on bullheads. If it has bullheads.

Actually, you can catch all you want. But can keep only ten.

Daniel asks…

Where to catch carp in VA?

I just recently moved to Manassas, VA and would like to find a good place to catch catfish or carp. I prefer to fish from the shore on smaller lakes. Additionally, I would like to stay away from well known regional parks as they can get pretty crowded and they would typically charge for entrance.
Thank you.

catfishexpert answers:

Check in Google.

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winter catfishing

Posted on May 16, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

FREE 10 Catfishing Mini-Course

catfishing the ky. and ohio rivers

MRT 7 Foot Spinning Rod & Reel Combination (Carp & Catfish Combo) - FlyMasters
US $69.99
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NEW 3BB CL60 Baitcast Fishing Reel Trolling Catfish
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AWESOME DAIWA DF100A / DF 100 A SALTWATER SPINNING FISHING REEL / CATFISHING NIB
US $49.75
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 12:45:46 PDT
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Buy it now | Add to watch list
NEW 3BB CL60 Baitcast Fishing Reel Trolling Catfish
US $26.99 (0 Bid)
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 14:51:38 PDT
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Questions And Answers About Fox News

Posted on May 15, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

David asks…

How does Fox news continually scoop the other networks?

Fox news always seems to have the stories before, sometimes weeks before, the other networks. How do they do it?

catfishexpert answers:

I have no idea, but I like their coverage. They truly do try to be fair and balanced. Incidentally, they are the top rated Cable TV News channel in our nation today. They beat out all the others. They obviously are well liked.

Chris asks…

If I stop watching Fox News will Obama become a good President?

If you ask “how can we afford Obama’s health plan?” liberals will tell you to stop watching Fox News. If you criticize anything about Obama liberals will tell you to stop watching Fox News. So if I stop watching Fox News will Obama just go away already? I’ll take that deal to save the country!

catfishexpert answers:

What they really want you to do is to stop learning and hearing factual information.

They would prefer that you you tune into msm, cnn or msnbc so that you only hear the white house talking points and liberal spin.

They would be joyous if you subscribed to the huffington post, moveon.org and media matters. You get bonus points for joining the dsa, cpusa and then, only then will 0bama become a good president.

You will be rewarded with a lifetime supply of fruit punch Kool Aid!

Charles asks…

What has FOX News actually done to deserve the treatment they are getting from the Obama Admin?

Since when is telling the truth become such an awful thing?
They have been accused of spreading lies but no one has been able to prove it…and you know it is not from lack of trying.
FOX News is doing what they are supposed to do…investigating the people that Obama has surrounded himself with and investigating Obama…why is that a bad thing?
Why is it so difficult for some people to understand this? Calling someone a liar is different than proving someone is a liar.

catfishexpert answers:

Truth IS an awful and fearsome thing to deceivers!
And Freedom of Speech is a threat to communist thinking and agendas!
Therein lies your answer! :)

William asks…

Why does Fox News not hold there Anchors Responsible for making BiPartisan donations to people they interview?

They don’t even tell the viewer that they donated to the canidate they are interviewing and trying to make them look better then liberals?

Shouldn’t hannity be held to the same standards as MSBC Keith Olbermann who was suspended for donating to canidates?

OR is fox news spinning republican stuff fine an unbalanced and unfair and bad for politics?

catfishexpert answers:

They have no standards.

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Questions And Answers About Catfish Trailer

Posted on May 14, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

Chris asks…

Is “catfish” too scary to watch by myself?

Well I read some reviews and some people are saying catfish is scary, and some say its not. I’m just wondering if its too scary to watch by myself cause I kind of want to watch it tonight.. but I dont do good in horror movies. The trailer looks scary, but I’m not sure if it actually is or not.

catfishexpert answers:

No, it’s not scary at all. You won’t even jump in it. The trailer makes it seem like some serial killer pops out in the dark, but that doesn’t happen. Go ahead and watch it, the only thing scary is how awkward it can get.

Richard asks…

How do I get rid of my crazy #3 ex wife?

I spotted her slinking through my trailer park this afternoon — spying on me again. Every time a restraining order expires she comes back to haunt me. Is there anyone out there willing to just marry her and y’all move to Niagara Falls and maybe she’ll slip and fall in and be eaten by giant catfish? I need some ideas quick..

catfishexpert answers:

What could she possibly want YOU for?
Your wonderful personality?
Your trailer?

Donald asks…

is the move Catfish scary?

I’m 14 & I’m gonna watch this movie tonight with my sister but idk is it scary? I get scared reallllly easily I got kinda scared by the trailer lol so do you think it was scary? & Also what does the lady turn out to be in the end? I want spoilerss :)

catfishexpert answers:

Its not a horror movie it is listed as
social and cultural documants, under genre in netflix
so it might be boreing or it might be gross or crass, but probly not scary in that sort of way,

Ken asks…

making a crib for my baby? in a trailer?

well, so my woman is pregnant again and this baby will need a crib
not out of beer cans because the babys always fell off and and grew up to be retarded
the other baby’s crib i got from a near neighbors Chevy, i ripped out the front seat but it sucks
i can’t go to town because my tractor stoped working and we don’t have money because deer huntin’ season is off to a bad start and the lake is also polluted so the catfish ain’t bittin’
anyways you got any tips?

please don’t disrespect me, that’s un nessesary

catfishexpert answers:

Just take all those cardboard boxes from your microwave dinners and stack them on top of each other. Then take your old flannel shirts and loop them around the boxes to make them sturdy.

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Big catfish

Posted on May 13, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

FREE 10 Catfishing Mini-Course

catching really Big catfish

MRT 7 Foot Spinning Rod & Reel Combination (Carp & Catfish Combo) - FlyMasters
US $69.99
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 7:29:25 PDT
Buy It Now for only: US $69.99
Buy it now | Add to watch list
NEW 3BB CL60 Baitcast Fishing Reel Trolling Catfish
US $26.99 (0 Bid)
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 11:45:28 PDT
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AWESOME DAIWA DF100A / DF 100 A SALTWATER SPINNING FISHING REEL / CATFISHING NIB
US $49.75
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 12:45:46 PDT
Buy It Now for only: US $49.75
Buy it now | Add to watch list
NEW 3BB CL60 Baitcast Fishing Reel Trolling Catfish
US $26.99 (0 Bid)
End Date: Sunday May-20-2012 14:51:38 PDT
Bid now | Add to watch list
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Questions And Answers About Turkey Leg Calories

Posted on May 13, 2012 by catfishexpert
80 of the most Successful Catfish Bait Recipes

Thomas asks…

What is the nutritional value of 1 skinless turkey leg?

How many calories, and how much fat? Do NOT tell me how many calories per 3 ounces or whatever. I ONLY want to hear what the calorie amount is for an average Turkey leg without skin.The WHOLE leg. I do not have a scale so I cannot measure how much there is, nor cut it all up to shuve in a measuring cup. In general, how much does the average thanksgiving sized turkey‘s leg amount to in calories and fat?

I’m on a very strict diet and need to know correct info as best as one can find and I can’t find the info online. Perhaps someone else knows, or can provide a link. Please include a link to where you got your information so i know its valid.

catfishexpert answers:

Here’s a chart. Figure out which size and how its cooked for the correct calorie etc info.

Http://www.calorie-charts.net/poultry/1529

Daniel asks…

What do you think about this diet for a 13 year old girl? How many calories is this?

Breakfast: bowl of kashi go lean original cereal with skim milk and my health shake(health shake was 100 calories)
Lunch: Turkey sandwich on wheat bread (with mustard and tomatoes ONLY) and an orange
Dinner: 3 baked chicken legs, and mixed veggies
Dessert; Two chocolate sqaures: The tiny 50 calorie kind.
Snack: Special K 90 calorie blueberry snack/cereal bar
What (honestly) what do you think about my diet? Also, about how many calories was this?
Thanks people!

catfishexpert answers:

I dont know how many calories that is but it looks like a healthy meal. You cant really always judge it by calories becasue a) at 13 years old you need calories to help you grow becuase your still developing and b) there are good calories and bad calories (ex: cookies and orange juice). Its good that your doing ur diet like this (actually eating), so many of my friends have gone completely overboard.. I actually had two friends who ended up int he hospital for anorexia. If you stop eating like that your metabolism will have a harder time breaking down the food when you do start eating regularly again, they are both over weight now. Just do cardio at least 30 minutes a day and keep up the healthy eating and youll be fine.

Steven asks…

Just How Many Calories Do We Burn During Sex………?

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.

EXAMPLES:

1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER

If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT

Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42

REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner’s consent: 12

Without partner’s consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION

Blowing in partner’s ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don’t mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126

POSITIONS

Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS

Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don’t have a leg cramp: 612

Sneezing (during intercourse): 7

Sneezing (during orgasm): 588

ASSORTED ACCIDENTS

Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5

Toupee slips off (if partner didn’t know): 72

Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1

Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17

Extinguishing cigarette (in partner’s leg): 133

Calling your partner the wrong name: 50

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE

Shoes flew off: 15

Expression didn’t change: 0.5

Room turned purple: 4

Face turned purple: 78

Earth moved: 30

If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588

Moaning in Turkish: 506

THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX

“I am so grateful”: 15

“It must have been something we ate”: 15

“Was it good for you?”: 15

“Are you finished?”: 15

TRYING AGAIN

If woman is ready: 5

If man is not: 563

ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP

After sex: 18

During sex: 546

While parking car: 212

SLEEP

Real: 5

Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74

TAKING A BATH TOGETHER

In a bath: 5

In a sink: 150

In a jacuzzi: 15,269

MAKING THE BED

With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).

With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)

KEEPING A JOURNAL

Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn’t go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned.

A typical entry in a woman’s journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience might read as follows:

December 1st: Sex with Harold

Explaining how: 12

Suggesting something different: 3

Calming terrified Harold: 40

Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8

Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56

Intercourse (standing position): 22

Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10

Intercourse (urging him on): 5

Orgasm: not sure

Thanking Harold: 3

Waving bye-bye: 1

Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)

Total calories burned: 160
If You Learn Anything ——–Show Me Some Love With Stars.

catfishexpert answers:

Ok but expect only love not sex.star for you

Richard asks…

1800 calories today..what do i do about tomorrow?

im on a diet to lose about 5 pounds and tone up immensely. im currently 128 pds, 5’4”-5’5”, and 17 yrs old.

today i’m guessing i had about 1800 calories.
(400 in morning, a club on wheat wrap [turkey, ham, american cheese, low fat mustard]), goldfish, fat free pudding.
im estimating thats about 1800 calories…

and then i jogged/ran 1.5 miles, 1/2 mile on the ellipitcal at level 7, and a mile on the stationary bike at level 7. then i did 4 machines with 40 reps, 80 leg lifts, and 300 crunches.

it wasn’t too great i dont know.
but would that be okay for today? i just feel so expanded and bloated right now its not good!!

also…what should i eat tomorrow? like what calorie range should i stay in for tomorrow? i feel like i overate today by a lot. that wrap was just killer. :/
ughghgh.

i feel so gross now, just help me?
thank youuu <3

catfishexpert answers:

Try 1500 calories tomorrow and keep up with the exercising!

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